Room 101 - PEOPLE TOP 3

I'm on a roll now. I'm also having a 'less than productive' week at work.

1. Samantha Roberts

Who? Samantha Roberts; the woman who has lost a recent high court battle to stop her son having life saving radiotherapy. No, I don't have children, and no, God forbid, if myself, or any of my friends were in a similar situation, it is difficult to know how reactions would manifest themselves; however, what I do know is that the child's welfare would be paramount and would come before incessant media appearances making me look increasingly unhinged. What's astonishing about this woman is her STAGGERING ignorance and inability to articulate even the most basic of rational arguments. She claims that she 'doesn't want Neon to know how ill he is', but she's more than happy to be glammed up to the nines on the Daybreak sofa every 10 minutes, telling us all in great detail anyway. She claims that there are several alternative therapies that have been used for years in Australia that don't involve damaging amounts of radiotherapy. When pressed further she 'wasn't sure exactly' what they are but they have an amazing success rate. She says that now he is undergoing conventional treatment he is 'not doing that well despite what the press is reporting'. This seems to contravene the general consensus that he is doing very well and well on the road to recovery. She says he is 'slurring his words' and 'not himself' - yes, he has a brain tumour! I realise that chemo and radiotherapy are very very fraught with side effects (especially for a child) but they are PROVEN methods of curing this bastard disease and certainly have a lot higher efficacy rate than green tea and flotation tanks. The NHS has many flaws, but ultimately it knows what it is doing, and has done it for many years.

What is most despicable in this woman's crusade, is her assertion that she is concerned that radiotherapy will render her child infertile, thus destroying her chances of having grandchildren. Oh dear me. Firstly, he's not going to be providing much in the way of grandchildren if he's dead. Secondly, he might not go on to have or want children in any case. Is that your primary motivator? Your absurd ego and wish to 'carry on the family line'? Also he has a twin sister who might go on to have children so it's not as if Neon is her only hope in this respect. This woman is simply a selfish, irresponsible egotist. As an additional point, as a woman who is so anti science, she named her children after components of chemical elements (the sister has an equally silly name which escapes me now). I just hope these children grow up healthy and happy and are not too damaged by their fame hungry, silly Mother.

2. Katie Hopkins

Daily Mail's troll de jour whose sole purpose in life is to say the most controversial thing to get a reaction and keep the Daily Mail's avid readership chomping at the bit. Rabid Tory who despises fat people, the poor and anybody working class who might be called Chantelle. Says it's common to call your children after geographical locations despite calling one of her daughters India. Most recently criticised Kelly Brook for being 'fat'. Kelly is never going to win Mastermind and my left arm is probably a better actress; however, she is nothing resembling fat - she has a fantastic womanly shape and a pair of tits grown men and women can only weep over. Hopkins might be slim but she has a face like a cancerous potato and is about as charming and appealing as the corpse of Idi Amin. Also has a propensity to drop her knickers for any old hooray Henry that is willing. Again, I hope her children grow up healthy and happy and actually disown the old crone.


3. Chris Brown

Wife beating prannet who seems to display astonishing levels of self entitlement and immaturity. Instead of learning from his experiences (and subsequent punishment) when he beat up then girlfriend Rihanna, seems to have reverted to type as a charmless, virulent thug. with constant tales of drink driving, brawls in clubs and glassings. He seems unable to go the toilet without getting embroiled in a fight with his own reflection. He is simply a weeping sore on the anus of humanity.