Thanks to Sarah Miles for this rather inspiring idea for a chance to rant... Has to be said though, that it is rather difficult to pick just 3 things that I would like to banish forever, and it would be easy to pick say 3 celebrities (yes, Katie Price would be number 1). So, here goes:
1. Hair extensions
I do not understand the popularity of these strange adornments. Yes, I have quite thick hair and am quite lucky in that respect, but why are you relying on 3rd world orphans to provide you with a head of lustrous hair - why not - shock horror, grow it naturally, or get a decent haircut? No matter how expensive, no matter how famous the celebrity head that they are displayed upon; they look vile and you can ALWAYS see the line where they have been sewn in. Mostly, they look like sheets of cheap tatty nylon; totally synthetic. (Disclaimer - the only exception to this rule might be if people who lose their hair through illness, i.e. cancer patients use them as a 'pep up')
2. Geese
Geese are the beasts of Satan - FACT. They terrify me; ever since as a wee 3 year old, I tried to feed one a piece of mouldy bread (ever the philanthropist even as a young child, obvs) and the bastard thing bit my little finger, hard. If I see one, even at a distance, I develop a cold sweat and get the shakes.
3. Botox
Worried about getting old? Why not inject yourself with some carciogenic rat poison and leave your face immobile? Similar to hair extensions, no matter how expensive, botox always looks terrible - waxy, sheeny and false. I'm a great believer in making the best of what God has (or indeed hasn't), bestowed upon us - healthy eating, exercise, make up, even a bit (OK a lot) of hair dye, but why is society so obsessed with eradicating the signs of age? Nobody looks improved afterwards - Kylie now resembles a china doll and as examples of how it can REALLY go wrong - step forward Priscilla Presley and the fantastic Joan Rivers. Wrinkles are a sign of a life well lived and I'm buggered if I'm arsed about looking my age. (Please quote me on this in 2 years)...
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