Friday, 11 May 2012

It's FASHION dahhhhhhlinks

In the spirit of it being a sober Friday evening (yes, am looking after myself by staying booze free for a while), I have decided to publish my very own celebrity fashion awards. Feel free to agree, disagree, applaud, wonder who half the 'celebrities' are or just stare wanly at the screen and wonder what on earth you're doing reading this utter drivel...


5) Alexa Chung. Obviously I am 'well jel' but every time I see this woman's face I have a very strong urge to punch it. Smug, malnourished twot who is seemingly famous for being bezzies with Anna Wintour and hanging off the arm of northern indie rockers. Sorry love - but brogues and ankle socks do not suit ANYONE over 13. Too try hard and needs to eat some fray bentos.

 4) The Olsen twins. 2 billionaire sisters who look like they've raided Mummy's dressing up box to star as Miss Havisham in Great Expectations. Need to use a hairbrush and find some clothes that fit.

3) Rachel Zoe. Hollywood stylist with the body of a 7 year old who also seems to wear clothes 15 sizes too big - probably because they don't actually make them in her size. Looks like an ageing turtle in lipstick in desperate need of some senokot.

2) Florence Welch. A flame haired, titian Goddess with a fabulous voice but memo to self: Paisley curtains, loafers and legwarmers are best left er, in the loft.

1) Katie Price. A woman with an alleged £30 million fortune who looks like she's ramraided Primark's discontinued warehouse with Stevie Wonder. Would look like a hooker if she was dressed head to toe in Valentino couture or a nun's habit. Nasty nylon hair, leggings and tit busting tops. But enough about her husbands.......


5) Victoria Beckham. Not a fan of the woman but she does wear some very nice clothes. A bit 'safe' but good style nonetheless. I've just paid Posh a compliment - may have to lie down in a darkened room for several yhears.

4) Lady Gaga. She dresses like a lunatic but she is doing her job - being an international pop star and creating attention for herself. Fabulous darlings - although don't think I'll be popping to Smithfield's market to recreate the infamous meat dress any time soon...

3) Cate Blanchett. Fab actress and wonderful style - chic, elegant and very, very stylish.

2) Tilda Swinton. Bat shit mental and wouldn't wear a lot of what she does but never plays it safe - always pushes boundaries and creates dramatic, quirky and interesting looks.

1) Kate Moss. Mings a bit nowadays - awful hair and skin (can't think why - crack is a real beauty enhancer) - but back in the day was astonishingly beautiful. That said, her style is consistent.. She is the epitome of a clothes horse and knows what suits her - looks best dressed down in skinny jeans, blazers etc. Effortlessly stylish.

Right that's it for now - I'm off to clear out my (busting at the seams) wardrobe....

Monday, 7 May 2012

Self indulgent witterings

I haven't blogged for a while... I wish I could say it's because I've been so desperately busy, living high on the hog and partying with A listers and earning money working as a freelancer for Caitlin Moran and drinking champers in Fleet Street.. But I haven't. Mainly, I've been existing in a little vaccum and temping in a weird little role at The Churchill hospital (more on that story later as Kirsty Wark would say)......

Mainly I have been attempting to overcome this damn awful panic and anxiety that seems to envelop me in ridiculously vast forms from time to time. I can't even describe it properly or do it justice - if it's not something you've experienced it's probably very, very hard to get your head round. & think yourself lucky if that is the case. Oh woe is me, woe is me - plenty of people suffer far more than I do - I know that - and - touch wood - my physical health is pretty good (can't remember the last time I had a cold). So, what is this all about then? What am I nervous about? I'm not actually sure... At my worst, I wake up shaking, feeling sick and with my head swimming (& no, that's not after a night on the sauce, this is just bog standard waking up stuff). I'm terrified of dying. I'm terrified of getting old. I'm terrified that there is something terribly wrong with me. We are ALL scared of these things, it just seems that a little switch goes off in my head and I let it get out of control. I've been on a pretty even keel for months and now it's back again. I've been getting dizzy spells in bed - doc says it's benign vertigo - but even then I am terrified I have some rare disorder that is yet to be discovered by the medical profession. (Perhaps Channel 5 will do one of their docs featuring the 'woman with an unexplained disorder'. No, hopefully not. I don't eat properly, I don't sleep, I can't concentrate - it's yucky.

Do I have a lot of stress in my life? No. No kids for one! Job that was stressful I left and have been temping ever since - not ideal - but not too bad. Yes, I have a few debts - who doesn't - and I have a wonderful husband who looks after me, listens to my endless panicky witterings and gives me big hugs. Why am I even writing this? To be fair, it's fairly cathartic. I am on medication and that does keep me on a (slight) even keel but I do need to look at other things - counselling - yoga, tai chi, anxiety focus groups - anything to get me out of myself..I freely admit that I need to give up wine for a mopnth or so... Whilst wine does take the endges off the panic, it actually compounds the problem in the long run so I am going to address that from today.

In some ways it's quite shameful. I'm temping at The Churchill and speaking to patients on a daily basis who are suffering from cancer and who are understandably terrified. When I walk into work through the ward there is usually some poor patient looking absolutely terrible and I wish I could kick myself and get a grip. It's not that simple though - rteally, if it was I would try it. Doc gave me 4 days' worth of diazepam - great stuff - but again, just masking the problem rather than getting to the bottom of it...

Thanks for reading and huge apologies for the self indulgent wallowing. Still, if a girl can't wallow self indulgently on her own blog - then when can she?