Friday, 11 May 2012

It's FASHION dahhhhhhlinks

In the spirit of it being a sober Friday evening (yes, am looking after myself by staying booze free for a while), I have decided to publish my very own celebrity fashion awards. Feel free to agree, disagree, applaud, wonder who half the 'celebrities' are or just stare wanly at the screen and wonder what on earth you're doing reading this utter drivel...


5) Alexa Chung. Obviously I am 'well jel' but every time I see this woman's face I have a very strong urge to punch it. Smug, malnourished twot who is seemingly famous for being bezzies with Anna Wintour and hanging off the arm of northern indie rockers. Sorry love - but brogues and ankle socks do not suit ANYONE over 13. Too try hard and needs to eat some fray bentos.

 4) The Olsen twins. 2 billionaire sisters who look like they've raided Mummy's dressing up box to star as Miss Havisham in Great Expectations. Need to use a hairbrush and find some clothes that fit.

3) Rachel Zoe. Hollywood stylist with the body of a 7 year old who also seems to wear clothes 15 sizes too big - probably because they don't actually make them in her size. Looks like an ageing turtle in lipstick in desperate need of some senokot.

2) Florence Welch. A flame haired, titian Goddess with a fabulous voice but memo to self: Paisley curtains, loafers and legwarmers are best left er, in the loft.

1) Katie Price. A woman with an alleged £30 million fortune who looks like she's ramraided Primark's discontinued warehouse with Stevie Wonder. Would look like a hooker if she was dressed head to toe in Valentino couture or a nun's habit. Nasty nylon hair, leggings and tit busting tops. But enough about her husbands.......


5) Victoria Beckham. Not a fan of the woman but she does wear some very nice clothes. A bit 'safe' but good style nonetheless. I've just paid Posh a compliment - may have to lie down in a darkened room for several yhears.

4) Lady Gaga. She dresses like a lunatic but she is doing her job - being an international pop star and creating attention for herself. Fabulous darlings - although don't think I'll be popping to Smithfield's market to recreate the infamous meat dress any time soon...

3) Cate Blanchett. Fab actress and wonderful style - chic, elegant and very, very stylish.

2) Tilda Swinton. Bat shit mental and wouldn't wear a lot of what she does but never plays it safe - always pushes boundaries and creates dramatic, quirky and interesting looks.

1) Kate Moss. Mings a bit nowadays - awful hair and skin (can't think why - crack is a real beauty enhancer) - but back in the day was astonishingly beautiful. That said, her style is consistent.. She is the epitome of a clothes horse and knows what suits her - looks best dressed down in skinny jeans, blazers etc. Effortlessly stylish.

Right that's it for now - I'm off to clear out my (busting at the seams) wardrobe....

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